Bob: Hi kids, I'm Bob the Tomato, welcome to VeggieTales. Now Larry won't be with us today, he's helping out some kids in a toy drive. He agreed to volunteer his time to help kids who normally don't much and I think that's great. God loves it when we help others. Now Larry thought you might miss him so he asked me to introduce you to his special friend.
Archibald: Hello, I am Archibald, the kindly teensy weeny Asparagus.
Bob: Well, hi Archibald, do you want to say hi to the kids?
Archibald: Oh yes. Hello children. I am friendly and I am kind. And I am teensy weensy.
Bob: That's right. And since Larry is away, you're gonna help with the show. Right, Archibald?
Archibald: Oh, yes. Even though I am teensy weensy, I can be a great big helper.
Bob: Well, let's get start-- (phone ringing) Uh, I'm sorry. Will you excuse me for a moment? Cover me, Archibald.
Archibald: Bumbum bum bum bum bum bum bumbum!
Bob: Oh, hi Larry! I was just talking about you! We just started the show. Here, let me put you on "speaker." Can you hear me?
Larry: Yeah, I hear you. Who's Bumming?
Archibald: It is I, Archibald! The kindly teensy-weensy Asparagus!
Larry: Oh, hi Archibald! You may be teensy-weensy, but you're a great big helper, aren't you?
Archibald: Indeed I am!
Bob: Larry - I was just telling the kids about your volunteer work. We're proud of you, buddy! That's a great thing you're doing! God likes it when we...
Larry: Bob, I'm not doing it.
Bob: Uh, not doing what?
Larry: I'm giving up, Bob. I'm coming home. This whole day has been a big mess.
Bob: Huh? What happened?
Larry: I didn't think it would be this hard! I got on the 151 bus and transferred to the 146. But I forgot to buy a transfer on the 151, so the bus driver wanted me to buy a whole new ticket, but I ran out of nickels...
Larry: So he dropped me off like 12 blocks before I got to the 81 stop. So I hopped 7 blocks and got on the subway, but I was so tired from hopping that I fell asleep.
Archibald "lies down" and mimes sleep.
Larry: So that's where I am now, Bob. On a pay phone at the end of the subway line. I'm givin' up and comin' home.
Bob: You can't quit now!
Archibald: Perhaps Archibald can help!
Bob: Not now, Archibald. Larry, just think of all the kids you can help today - and, remember, you gave your word! You need to persevere!
Archibald: Yes! You need to...
Bob: Archibald. Let me handle this.
Larry: What's that?
Bob: What's what?
Larry: What's persevere?
Bob: Well, perseverance is just a big word that means to "keep on keepin' on"--even when it's hard! I know that quitting and coming home would be easier, but many things worth doing take hard work! Don't you want to be a "finisher?"
Larry: ...Uh, yeah... I'm finished riding on the bus. And I'm finished hopping around the whole town.
Archibald: Archibald is a great big helper! Archibald knows a story about perseverance.
Bob: You do?
Archibald: Yes! A teensy-weensy story.
Bob: Look, Larry, maybe Archibald's story will help you out. I know you can't see, but try and listen closely.
Larry: Okay, but make it snappy. I'm down to my last 3 quarters and it's cold out here.
Bob: All right, buddy. Hang on!
Archibald: Once upon a teensy-weensy time.
[Larry is standing on a hill looking at his Petunia's house]
Larry: There it is! Petunia's house! What wonders await me today? Fresh-baked cookies? Story time? A sweater with love in every stitch? Aw, what am I waiting for? [runs down the hill] Petunia, Petunia, Petunia!
Larry: Hi, Petunia! [hugs her as the two walk into the kitchen]
Petunia: Come in and sit for a while. [gives Larry a plate of cookies] Have a cookie, Larry!
Larry: Petunia, you make the best cookies in the deep blue sea. [grabs a cookie and dips it in a glass of milk] Oh yeah... [eats it. His eyes turn into cookies] Petunia's cookies...
Petunia: Now, who wants to lick the spoon? [Larry raises his hand]
Larry: Me, me, me! [cut to Petunia telling Larry a story while he licks the spoon]
Petunia: ...and then we drove all the way home with all the windows down in the freezing cold.
Larry: Tell me another story about when I was a baby. [cuckoo clock strikes three. Larry gasps] Three o'clock? I'm gonna be late for work!
Petunia: Hop in my car, I'll drop you off. [cut to Petunia driving up to the Burger Bell]
Larry: Thanks, Petunia! [hops out of the car]
Petunia: Larry, you forgot your kissy-kissy! [Larry turns around and heads back to Petunia. Frankencelery is watching from the window]
Larry: I sure did. [Petunia gives him a kiss, leaving a Red print on his forehead of her lips] Bye, Petunia, thanks for the ride. [Frankencelery opens the door for Larry] Thank you, Frankencelery. [walks inside while whistling to some laughing from everyone] Isn't this great? Everybody's in a good mood today.
Frankencelery: I love bursting your bubble, Larry, but they're laughing at you, not with you.
Larry: Did I do something funny?
Squidward: Your forehead. [points to the kiss]
Larry: My forehead is funny?
Tom Grape: Hey, hey, Petunia's boy? Kissy-kissy-kissy! [everyone laughs]
Larry: No, you're wrong! There's nothing wrong with getting kisses from your Petunia.
Tom Grape: No, especially if you're a big baby who wears diapers! [everyone laughs] And sucks his thumb, and plays with dolls, and, um... [soon, everyone stops laughing] ...wears pajamas with feet in 'em, and carries his, um... blankie around, and...
Customers: All right already!
Frankencelery: Cheer up, Larry. I know someone who still likes you.
Larry: Really? You do, Frankencelery?
Frankencelery: Yeah, your Petunia! [everyone laughs. SpongeBob tries getting the kiss off with his hand and a mop but nothing seems to work. Everyone is still laughing at him]
Larry: STOOOOOP IIIIIIIIT! [everyone stops] I have been publicly humiliated for the last time! [runs home crying. Fade to Larry's house]
Jerry: I'm sorry that happened to you, SpongeBob.
Larry: Me, too.
Jerry: You're the most adult person I know.
Larry: Thanks, Jerry.
Jerry: You know how Petunias are, they love babies. You just can't act like a baby around her.
Larry: You're right, Jerry.
Jerry: Have I ever not been right? [cut to a picture of Larry on a giant red firecracker, a picture of Larry with a giant funnel in his mouth while Jerry holds a giant pumpkin, and a picture of Percy and Junior in black speedos while a wolf whistle is heard in the background] You're a man now, Larry, and it's time you starting acting like one.
Larry: Yeah! Oh, but I'm not sure I know how.
Jerry: Allow me to demonstrate. First, puff out your chest. [Larry obediently puffs out his chest] Now say, "tax exemption!"
Larry: "Tax exemption!"
Jerry: Now, you must acquire a taste for free-form jazz. [jazz music plays] ...Okay, Larry, you're ready! [cut to both walking up on the hill facing Petunia's house] This is it. What are you gonna tell Petunia?
Larry: I'm a grown up!
Jerry: No ifs, ands, or buts about it!
Larry: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!
Jerry: And then you get behind her and I'll push!
Larry: Jerry, we didn't say that!!!
Jerry: Oh yeah, right.
Larry: All we need now is the icing on the maturity cake. [takes out a suitcase] I've been growing these babies for years...! [opens it to reveal sideburns. Both of them take a pair and put them on]
Larry & Jerry: Sideburns! [Larry knocks on Petunia's door]
Petunia: [opens door] Oh, hello, Larry. What a nice surprise. Come here and give your Petunia her kissy-kissy. [as she is about to kiss him, Larry puts on a helmet to block it]
Larry: [removes his "Kisses Not Allowed" helmet off his head] Sorry, Petunia, but the kissing has to stop.
Jerry: Tell her like it is, Larry, no more baby stuff.
Larry: He is right, Petunia. Kisses are for babies, which I am no longer. I have grown up. It is nature's way.
Petunia: Oh, you are absolutely right.
Larry: I am? I mean, of course I am.
Petunia: You will definitely not be treated like a baby around here anymore ever again.
Larry: I am glad you see it my way, grandmother. [puts on a hat]
Petunia: Well, I'm glad that's settled. [holds out a tray of cookies] But what am I going to do with all these fresh baked cookies?
Larry: [chuckles] Sorry, grandmother, we adults don't partake in the consumption of sweets, right, Jer... [notices Jerry isn't there] ...ry? [cut to Jerry sitting at the kitchen table]
Jerry: Keep 'em coming, Petunia! [scarfs down the cookies as SpongeBob watches from a window]
Larry: So much for no more baby stuff.
Petunia: And don't forget the cookie-eating hat! [puts a red hat with springs attached to yellow smiley faces on top of Jerry's head. They both laugh]
Larry: Hey, that's my cookie-eating hat! I mean it was when I was a baby.[growls in frustration] [knocks on the door. His Petunia opens it]
Petunia: Well, look who's here. It's my big old adult Larry.
Larry: Petunia, I need to have a mature conversation with Mr. Jerry. [runs up to Jerry, who still eats his snack] [whispering loudly] Jerry! What are you doing?! Cookies?! Warm milk?! A bib?! [points to it, which reads "I heart Petunia"] Is that a kissy mark on your forehead?! We are supposed to be adults! [bangs on the table]
Petunia: Oh, oh, no roughhousing with a full tummy. [tickles Jerry] Who's the baby?
Jerry: I'm the baby, I'm the baby, I'm the baby! [Larry clears his throat] Being grown up is boring. I love being a baby. Besides, I don't get jazz.
Larry: [chuckles] Poor Jerry. I almost feel sorry for you. [takes out a pipe and blows bubbles from it] Trapped in the awkward phase of diaper days... never to know the rich rewards of being a grownup. [Petunia comes back with more cookies]
Petunia: Here's a fresh batch of cookies.
Jerry: All right! [eats them] Rewards, huh?
Larry: Well, yeah, there's, eh... [sees Jerry eating cookies with his mouth open] well, let's see, we... [a cookie rolls over to his side] We went over the jazz... [Jerry grabs the cookie and eats it]
Larry: Oh, Petunia, I'm full. [Petunia sets down another plate of cookies]
Petunia: More cookies! [Patrick uses his mouth like a vacuum and eats all the cookies. One of the cookies rolls over by Larry's side. He whistles for a brief second, then checks his wristwatch]
Larry: It appears to be my lunch hour. Grownups have to eat to. I guess this will have to do. [Petunia takes the cookie away]
Petunia: Oh, you don't want this baby food. How about a big piece of steamed coral? [gives him the coral]
Larry: Oh yeah, uh... great. [takes a couple bites of it] Nutritious.
Petunia: Storytime! [Larry runs to Petunia]
Jerry: Oh, boy! Storytime, storytime, storytime!
Larry: Storytime? [Jerry is sitting on Petunia's lap, ready to hear a story]
Petunia: You'll enjoy this, Jerry. It's a wonderful story about a magical sea leprechaun. [Larry walks in] Oh, Larry, you wouldn't be interested in this baby book. [drops a giant book on the floor] Here's the technical manual on routine active maintenance.
Larry: Oh, uh... great. Yeah. [opens the book] Fascinating. No pictures, just the way I like it. [while eating a cookie, Jerry bites his finger leaving a big red bruise]
Jerry: [acting like a 2-year old] D'oh! My wittle finger! [sobs]
Petunia: Hold still, hold still. [kisses his finger] All better?
Jerry: [talking normally] Sorta.... [holds up his other finger] this finger hurts a little bit too. [Larry is angry at what he sees then covers himself with the book he was reading]
Petunia: How about I give you a present? [Larry then uncovers himself and sees Jerry with the present]
Jerry: Oh, boy, I hope it's cookies! [opens up the box, then the box cover lands on Larry's head to find a sweater, but puts it on his head] ALRIGHT! Another hat!
Petunia: No, Jerry, it's a sweater.
Larry: [Removes the box cover from his head] Huh?
Petunia: With love in every stitch.
Larry: No... [imagines himself in the sweater instead of Larry. The sweater tears in half] Don't I get a present, Petunia?
Petunia: Oh, I almost forgot. [hands him some office supplies] Here's some office supplies. I didn't wrap them. I knew you wouldn't mind. [cuckoo clock strikes three again] Uh-oh, three o'clock, time for adults to go to work. Bye-bye, Larry.
[Jerry gets the sweater on] I'll bet you'd fancy a nap, huh, Jerry? [Jerry yawns] You still here, Larry?
Larry: Uh, I don't need to leave yet. I can be late for work.
Petunia: [puts a blanket over Jerry as he lays on the couch] No, no, no, that wouldn't be the adult thing to do.
Larry: Alright, I guess I'll be going. I've, uh, got a lot of adult-type business to take care of, so, uh, I'll see yah later.
Petunia: Okay, thanks for stopping by, Larry.
Larry: Yep, that is it. Here I go.
Petunia: Come again if you get the chance. [Larry opens the door]
Larry: Out into the cold, grown-up world alone without a sweater.
Larry: I don't know when I'll be back.
Petunia: I know how busy you are.
Larry: So, uh... that's it. [Jerry is sleeping]
Petunia: Shh, he's asleep. [Larry slowly closes the door]
Larry: Soooo loooong... [closes the door but then opens it with sad eyes. His sideburns fall off of his head. He starts throwing a big tantrum] I DON'T WANNA GROW UP! [holds up a giant chocolate chip cookie and snaps it in half in front of his face] I want cookies! [holds up a giant baby bottle with milk inside] and "milkie"! [wears a sweater] I want a sweater with love in the stitches! [runs around wearing a diaper with a blue pin on it as he's putting powder in the diaper] I wanna wear "diadies"! [rides in a wagon] I wanna ride in my wagon! [holds his giant teddy bear] I wanna cuddle-wuddle with Mister Stuffykins! [rides his old rocking horse with a sailor hat on and a lollipop] I wanna rocky-rock on my seahorsey! [holds up his bruised finger] And I want kissy-kissy on my boo-boo! [wailing and falls the floor, slamming his fists on the floor. He then rolls like a wheel. Petunia is shocked and sad for him. Larry, sitting, sprays his tears in his mouth. Petunia thinks for a second. Larry continues sobbing hysterically as he ratchets like a lawn sprinkler, almost spinning around and sprays tears everywhere. He spins even faster and floods the whole house]
Petunia: Take it easy, Larry. [picks up the still-crying Larry] Larry. Larry! [Larry continues sobbing. Petunia holds his lips, stopping Larry's crying] You don't have to be a baby to get ol' Petunia's love.
Larry: [sniffles as he starts to feel a bit better] I don't?
Petunia: Of course not. [pulls the plug under the tears to drain it] No matter how grown-up you get, you'll always be my little baby boo. [Petunia tickles Larry, then kisses his forehead] And remember, you can kiss your Petunia and still be an adult. [hands Larry his sideburns and a chocolate chip cookie] Here you go. [Larry puts on his sideburns and eats the cookie]
Larry: Thanks, Petunia. [bites the cookie] Uh, Petunia, could you not mention this to the guys down at the Burger Bell?
Petunia: No problem. [she hugs Larry. Outside, Frankencelery, Mr. Nezzer, Mr. Lunt, French Peas, The Scallions and everyone else are laughing]
Narrator: Ah, Goo Lagoon, a luxurious oasis of sand and sea. [scene cuts to Larry and Petunia next to a tent]
Petunia: Shee-oot, Larry. How are we gonna go swimmin' when you're in a shirt and tie?
Larry: Ah, yes. How foolish of me. [cackles] Allow me to remedy said situation right now. I will just use this changing tent here to change into my bathing suit. [goes into the tent, then pokes his head out] And I won't do anything else. [puts his head back in]
Petunia: Larry's actin' jumpier than a rattlesnake in a pickle barrel. Wait... what?
SpongeBob: [laughs] Oh, I'll be changing, alright, but not into a bathing suit. Wait until Sandy sees that I brought my karate gear! Hi-yah! [puts on his headgear that was in the bag] Hi-yah! [puts on his karate gloves that was in the bag] Sandy won't beat me this time, because I've got the elements on my side. The elements of surprise. Hi-yah! [kicks the bag]
Sandy: SpongeBob, are you ready?
SpongeBob: Yes, Sandy, I most certainly am ready! [softly] Ready to get it on. [jumps out of the tent towards Sandy] Hi... Sandy: Hi-yah! [kicks SpongeBob in his mouth] Look, SpongeBob, we both brought our karate gear. SpongeBob: [muffled laughter] Great minds think alike, I suppose. Sandy: Hi-yah! [karate chops him into the air. SpongeBob crashes into the ground, followed by his pants, socks, and shoes. He stands up with the clothing on his head and feet in some food] SpongeBob: I may be down, but I'm not out! [looks down at his feet, which are in some potato salad at a family picnic] Tom: Way to go, buddy. It took us three days to make that potato salad. [SpongeBob jumps away] Three days! SpongeBob: [jumps into an empty area] Hi-yah! Sandy? Sandy: Oh, I'm Sandy, alright. [her arms come out of the ground and squish SpongeBob's face] I'm very Sandy. [kicks SpongeBob into the air] Hi-yah! SpongeBob: Oh, I get it. She's "Sandy." That's her name; she's also covered in... yes! [flies out of the water then back into it. Scene cuts to Sandy talking to an ice cream vendor] Sandy: Back in Texas, we call ice cream "frozen cow juice". Excuse me for a sec. Hi-yah! [slaps SpongeBob in the face with her karate glove] Thank you. Ice Cream Vendor: No, no, thank you. Sandy: Hi-yah! [slaps SpongeBob again, sending him into the air and flying into a strong fish that is waiting in line] Tough Fish #1: [growls] Who threw that piece of paper at me? [SpongeBob stammers and whistles] Sandy: Hey, what's everybody waitin' in line for? Tough Fish #1: Ahoy, fair lass, it be the line to get into the Salty Spitoon — [points over to an old building] the roughest, toughest sailor club ever to be built under the seven seas. Only the baddest of the bad can get in. You need to have muscles. [flexes his arm] You need to have muscles on your muscles. [flexes, even more, created more muscles on his previous ones] You need to have muscles on your eyeballs! [flexes his eyes, creating muscles] SpongeBob: Ew. [a fish is screaming while flying out of the Salty Spitoon] Sandy: Looks like a rip-snortin' good time, SpongeBob! SpongeBob: Yeah, let's go in. Reg: [lets a fish walk in] Go ahead. [line moves up] Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are ya? Tough Fish #1: How tough am I? How tough am I?! I had a bowl of nails for breakfast this morning! Reg: Yeah, so? Tough Fish #1: Without any milk. Reg: Uhh, right this way, sorry to keep you waiting. [tough fish walks in. Sandy walks up to Reg] Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are ya? Sandy: How tough am I? [rips off one of his tattoos that says "MOM" and puts it upside down back where it was. Reg screams in pain when Sandy rips off the tattoo] SpongeBob: Wow. Sandy: Got any more tattoos? [Reg covers the upside down tattoo with his arms] Reg: Uhh, that won't be necessary. Go ahead. Sandy: Thanks. See ya inside, SpongeBob! [walks in] Reg: How tough are ya? SpongeBob: How tough am I? You got a new bottle of ketchup? Reg: Sure. [hands the bottle of ketchup to SpongeBob] SpongeBob: It's on! [strains to open it, but he can't] If I could just run this under some hot water... Reg: Get outta here. This place is too tough for you, little man. SpongeBob: Too tough for me? That's downright ridiculous. I'll have you know I stubbed my toe last week while watering my spice garden, and I only cried for twenty minutes. Reg: Listen, kid. I think you'd be more comfortable over at that place. [points to the building across the street] SpongeBob: Weenie Hut Jr's? Are you saying I belong in Weenie Hut Jr's? Reg: Uhh. Oh, no, sorry, I was actually pointing at the place next to it. [points to another building]
SpongeBob: Super Slushie Hut Jr's?
Reg: Yeah. Unless you think you're tough enough to fight me. [Scene cuts to SpongeBob sitting in a seat at Slushies Hut Jr's]
Madame Blueberry: How's your collection coming along?
Pa Grape: Well, I don't mean to brag, but it's pretty sweet. I'm in the process of acquiring issue 347 which will give me my fourth complete set.
Madame Blueberry: No...
Larry: [snorts] What Slushies. Oh, brother.
Mr. Slushies: Would you care for another diet cola with a lemon twist, weenie?
SpongeBob: What? But I'm not a weenie! [the robot scans SpongeBob with one of its scanners]
Robot: I'm sorry, sir, but my sensors indicate that you are indeed a weenie. [computer beeps and shows a picture of a hot dog weenie with the word "YES" below it]
SpongeBob: That's impossible! [the two nerds look at him. He runs off] Robot: You can't hide what's inside. SpongeBob: [runs over to Reg] I demand entrance into your club on the grounds that I am not a weenie! [a strong, orange fish walks up] Tough Fish #4: Hey, Reg, how's it going? [SpongeBob screams in surprise and he jumps onto Reg's arms.] Reg: You were sayin'? [to orange fish] Go ahead, buddy. Tough Fish #4: Thanks, Reg. [walks in] SpongeBob: So, your name's Reg? Reg: [throws SpongeBob aside] Would you get outta here? SpongeBob: Mark my words, Reg. I will get into the Salty Spitoon! I will! [runs off. Scene cuts to Weenie Hut Jr's]
Nerd #1: Couldn't get in, huh? What you need is a tough hairdo. No one gets into the Double S without a tough hairdo.
Nerd #2: I disagree, I saw a guy going in there and he was bald. Nerd #1: I saw that guy. He wasn't bald. He had a shaved head. Shaved — that's a hairdo. Case closed. [both fish notice SpongeBob is gone] Hey, where'd he go? Robot: I believe he said something about going to the wig store. Nerd #1: Ha-ha! Check and mate. [Someone who looks like SpongeBob walks over to Reg with a cool, black wig on] Drifter: What's shakin', my man? Reg: Not much. Say, haven't I seen you before? Drifter: Doubt it — I'm a drifter — just blew into town. Heard your club was pretty tough, thought I'd check it out. Reg: Nice try, kid. I know it's you. Drifter: What're you talking about? [Reg pulls Drifter's hair, but it is still attached to his head, it's real hair] Reg: Aha! [the hair does not come off. SpongeBob walks up with a clown wig on] SpongeBob: Hey, everybody, what's goin' on? [the Drifter gets angry as Reg tries to redo his hair, but can't do it] Reg: Ah, you can go in. Sorry about that. [Drifter angrily walks in] Well, what do you want? SpongeBob: I'd like to gain entrance to your social club, please. I believe my hairdo is in order. [Reg takes the wig off SpongeBob's head. SpongeBob laughs nervously] So, uh, where do you stand on the whole bald vs. shaved debate? [a big, green fish walks up with a tattoo of a seahorse on his right arm] Tough Fish #5: Hey-ya, Reg. Reg: Alright, now it's a party! Oh, yeah, check out the new ink. Tough Fish #5: Thanks. Hey, look what I can make it do. [moves his arm, which makes the seahorse tattoo wiggle] Reg: [chuckles] Yeah. Hey, what about that one? [big, green fish looks at his left arm that has a SpongeBob tattoo on it] Tough Fish #5: Huh, you know, I don't remember getting this one. Reg: Can you make it dance? Tough Fish #5: Well, here, let me try. [moves his arm. SpongeBob dances] Reg: Hmmm, wait a minute. [rips SpongeBob off his arm] Go ahead in. [the tattoo fish walks in, rubbing his left arm] Tough Fish #5: Yeah, sure, Reg. Thanks. Reg: Nice try, little man. [throws SpongeBob to the back of the line behind two strong fish] Tough Fish #6: Hey, I was in front of you! Tough Fish #7: No, you weren't! Tough Fish #6: You callin' me a liar? Tough Fish #7: I ain't callin' you for dinner! [two start fighting. SpongeBob tries to run away, but the fight goes downhill, with him in it. Reg walks over] Reg: Hold it, you two! That's enough, you're both plenty tough, go ahead in. Tough Fish #6: Alright! Tough Fish #7: Thanks, Reg. [both run off as SpongeBob comes out from under the sand] SpongeBob: Hey, what about me? I was in that scrap. [He dusts his clothes using his hands] Reg: [chortles] I saw you runnin'. When you get in a real fight, then we'll talk. SpongeBob: Well, then, I guess it's time to take it up a notch. [spins his legs, then his hands, and then cracks his fingers, but they are snapped in half. The scene cuts out to SpongeBob’s broken fingers. He starts to cry and runs off. Scene cuts to SpongeBob with his fingers in a bowl of ice cream, whimpering] Robot: Care for another sundae, weenie? SpongeBob: [jumps angrily] I am not a weenie! Nerd #1: Relax, you're among friends. [raises his drink] SpongeBob: My friends don't hang out at Weenie Hut Jr's. [scroll over to Patrick in the seat next to him] Patrick: You tell 'em, SpongeBob! [sips his drink] SpongeBob: Patrick, what're you doing here? Patrick: I'm always here on Double Weenie Wednesdays. Nerd #1: Actually, they moved Double Weenie Wednesday to Friday. Nerd #2: And besides, today's Monday. Patrick: Oh, so it's Mega Weenie Monday? Nerd #1: Uhh, that's now on Sunday. Patrick: Barnacles! Nerd #2: Super Weenie Hut Jr's has a Mega Weenie Monday. Nerd #1: Uhh, no, you're thinking of Monster Weenie Monday. SpongeBob: I don't have time for this! I've got to go pick a fight with a muscular stranger! It's the only way of getting into the Salty Spitoon! [begins to walks out] Patrick: No, SpongeBob, you can't. It's too dangerous. SpongeBob: I've got no choice. Robot: I have a suggestion. Why not fake a fight? Patrick: Hey, that's not a bad idea! You can call me a couple of bad names, we rumble, next thing you know, you're in the Salty Spitoon. SpongeBob: Well, I guess I've got nothing to lose. Let's do it! Patrick: Yeah! [both run out] Nerd #1: Hey, how come you never help us out with our problems? Robot: I am a robot, not a miracle worker. [scene cuts to SpongeBob walking up to Reg] SpongeBob: Afternoon, Reg. Reg: Whoa, whoa, little man. You still can't go in. SpongeBob: Well, that makes me pretty mad. Reg: Oh yeah? SpongeBob: Yeah. I might have to beat someone up just to get rid of all this blind fury. Reg: [sarcastically] Wow. SpongeBob: Yeah, I feel pretty sorry for the next guy who looks at me funny. Reg: Hmmm... what about that guy? [points to a large muscular fish behind him] SpongeBob: [gasps and stammers] I, uh... [laughs] don't be silly. He's not botherin' anybody. I mean, not like... that guy! [points to Patrick] Patrick: Who, me? [SpongeBob walks up to Patrick] SpongeBob: Yeah, you. Standing there all smiling and whatnot. Somebody oughta teach you some manners! Patrick: Okay, but I must warn you. I happen to be a world championship... uhh... [looks at his hand, which has writing on it] ...kickboxer. [winks and gives a thumbs-up to SpongeBob] SpongeBob: I don't care if you're the demon seed of Davy Jones! You're goin' down, Tubby! [Patrick starts to tear up] Patrick: Tubby? [Patrick's sadness is quickly replaced by fury and he snarls with rage] Grr! Nobody calls me Tubby! [punches SpongeBob in the eye, leaving a black mark] SpongeBob: Wait, Patrick, you're supposed to let me win, remember? Patrick: Oh yeah. [invisible punches flying] No, please wait. [grunting as more invisible punches hit him and an elephant sound is heard when Patrick's head is hit. Patrick is being thrown into the air and on the ground, then given a wedgie] No, please, have mercy! [Patrick is kicked into the background] Reg: Wow! You destroyed that guy without even touchin' him. [Patrick is still getting beaten in the background] SpongeBob: I did? Reg: I never thought I'd say this, but go ahead in. SpongeBob: Really? I can go in? Oh, my gosh, I never thought this moment would come! I, SpongeBob SquarePants, am tough enough to get into the Salty Spitoon! This is the happiest day of my life! [walks in as Reg smiles. Scene cuts to an ambulance driving down the street with SpongeBob in bandages and Sandy by his side] Sandy? [groans] What happened? Sandy: You ran inside and slipped on an ice cube. [ambulance arrives at the hospital. Scene cuts to Sandy wheeling SpongeBob in front of the doctor] Doctor: What happened? SpongeBob: I slipped on an ice cube and got covered in boo-boos. Doctor: Boo-boos, eh? Hmmm... I think you guys want that hospital. [points across the street to Weenie Hut General] SpongeBob: Weenie Hut General?